Decepticons: The Jason Collins Story and Wasting Years of Your Life Waiting on Him

Long-winded title, but hoping you get the point.

Maybe you’ve heard about it. Maybe you’ve been blissfully unaware of the hullabaloo that’s dominated the mainstream media for a couple of days.

See, what happened is an NBA baller (snicker) earned his 15 minutes of fame by declaring that he is – wait for it – wait for it – “gay.” Such an interesting euphemism. However, this is the deal: Jason Collins realizes that he enjoys, prefers and wants to have SEX, MAKE LOVE and HAVE RELATIONSHIPS with other men.

And he truly believes we, meaning everybody on the planet, needed to know this. Whamp. Whamp. (Sound of sad trumpet blaring.)

After I stopped laughing over the last few days, my hands were steady enough to compose this post. Ay, yay yay.

baketball2

He Was Afraid of What Now?

Jason Collins is 7 feet tall. He’s a multimillionaire. He attended Stanford University. He knows the Clintons, Obama and other elites. That’s a big, powerful, well connected and wealthy closet he chose to climb out of.

So, I just wanna ask: How could anybody so ridiculously massive and intimidating claim to be fearful of being “gay” in this day and age? I mean, someone is gonna talk smack to a big black guy nearly 300 lbs in weight? LOL.

This is ridiculous.

Our Pretender-In-Chief, The Man Who Never Stops Campaigning

Obama felt the need to thrust himself into this particular spotlight by calling on this cloistered, privileged, bench-warming and obscure NBA player. He had to congratulate him on being a homosexual. That’s important. Really, really important. Glad to know what the President’s priorities are. ‘Cause it’s not like he’s able to work with Congress. It’s not like he can focus on the economy. He’s got better things to do. Like playing golf, shooting hoops, coming up with those all-important March-madness brackets, etc.

He shows us he can focus: Michelle once complained that she was a “single mother.” Totally understandable. He’s a busy man.

And at the press conference he needed to mention it again. There are homosexuals and lesbians playing professional sports. Who’da thunkit?

Maybe at the start of each game, as they introduce the players, announcers can add: “Welcome player number zero, OchinoDumbo. He’s a heterosexual from Baltimore, with 12 children from his 5 baby mommas. Yet, on long trips, he can be delightfully bi-curious.”

Waiting 8 Years on a DeceptiCon

The part of this story that I find interesting is who got the stiff (oh, wrong word), er, raw end of this deal. Seems that Jason had a white woman, whose name is Moos (I am not making this up), that he DATED for 8 YEARS. Even was engaged to be married to.

Now, ain’t this a blip?

This relationship didn’t end when he was a young man, maybe still confused, torn or excited. This dude was about 30, if not older, when he changed his mind. But he rode (oh, wrong word again), used this woman as his golden beard for 8 long years, while he thought, supposedly agonized, and mulled it over.

Meanwhile, she said on one of those interviews that she, “Had a script of how life was going to be”, or something to that extent.

What the Problem Is

It is NOT that he’s (finally) admitted he enjoys the sweet, sweet taste of sweaty scrotum. No, not at all. More people should be honest – they just don’t have to tell the whole world. No one really cares. The issue is that Jason Collins deceived a woman, used her youth, her fertility, her time and her mental “scripting” while he knew he was living a lie.

That is down low behavior, which is foul and the heart of how a DeceptiCon behaves. It ain’t right.

Now, people may sympathize with his conflicts, or situations, but it doesn’t mean he had to drag her into it. And for such a long time.

Ms Moos is partly at fault as well. You don’t hang onto a man for that long. I don’t care if you knew him from way back when, like in high school or college. At some point, you either cut bait or reel him in. I know, I know, she was waiting for the “pay off.” And the cynic in me feels that, she would have been satisfied being married to a man who occasionally played for the other team. Discretely, of course.

Well, that kind of arrangement is nothing new. She wouldn’t have mind, because she’d have the money, status and “stability.” Plus, a divorce or alimony would have been sufficient compensation for the “estrangement of affections.”

Black Women Get Reamed This Way Quite Often

My last bit of surprise is that this was a “well-educated good black man”, a.k.a. purple unicorn, pulling this kind of DeceptiCon on a white woman. Look, I won’t front, I honestly thought that when you see an IR couple, and it’s BM / WW, even if he’s gonna have his “issues” – he’s going to be genuinely attracted to her. You know, there’s that Mandingo, Snowbunny, Jungle Fever lust and “white women let me be a man” kind of thing going on.

This changes my perception, ’cause here we got a black guy who was being a DeceptiCon (on the down low) with a pretty blonde white woman for 8 years!!! This is the kind of thing that gets shrugged at if the woman is black. Does anyone really think the media would even be talking to a black ex-girlfriend about Jason Collins? Color me skeptical.

I noticed the media wasn’t sure how to handle Ms Moos: Was she a victim or will she play the sympathetic understanding woman? This involved competing angles: the 7 feet tall big black “gay” man vs a pretty blond ex-fiancee. I’d say Jason Collins got the slight edge. He won the homecoming queen crown of this event.

Shock and Oh Hell Naw

And what a gut punch that confession must have been for Ms Moos, which happened well before the media got full wind of it.

She wasted 8 years!!!! on a man who she now has to “replay those scripts in her head.” Those scripts where she thought he was a wonderful guy, because he NEVER cheated on her with those awful, skanky FEMALE basketball groupies. What a great and faithful guy she must have thought of her big black man. Now, she’s gotta be wondering about all those times he was out “balling” with his male friends. ‘Cause he spent so much time with his buddies, she never gave it a second thought.

I hope she’s gone through her battery of tests, being with a DeceptiCon can be deadly to a woman’s health.

Lessons for the Day

Doesn’t matter how much money he has, that pay day may never arrive.

If he’s hanging with his buddies too much, that niggling suspicious might be an accurate gut check.

A year, maybe even less, is really all you need to decide whether he’s marrying you or not. Anything longer and you are wasting your own time.

Shows that being in an IR doesn’t mean he cannot be a DeceptiCon. He might even feel more secure with his subterfuge.

And there is nothing HEROIC or COURAGEOUS about a man using a woman in such a cruel way to further his own means and ends. A man of any age can waste time, but a woman, unfortunately, cannot. Her time is of essence. It is her life and to use someone for that long a time shows a callousness that borders on being a sociopath.

So, it’s interesting to see that some black males, even when they get a hold of white women, are still a hot dysfunctional dishonest mess. He will be bringing all his baggage with him, that which he has always claimed belonged to black women.

How exhausting some of these men are.

And Congratulations to Mr Jason Collins!

You enjoy having sex with men. So do I. Welcome to the club. 😀

 

Share

So, President Obama Cannot Call A Black Woman “Best Looking”?

Spot Check: Controlling That Narrative About Beauty

I’m not the biggest fan of the man, based on his performance in office, but the shrieking and howling by the media is hilarious.

All I notice is that the biggest complainers of the President calling Kamala Harris, “The best-looking Attorney General in the country,” were white women in the media.

Folks, some people hate it when others are the center of attention. These white women, who claim to be feminists, but are really white women supremacists – in other words, everyone must worship them – just hate it when they are not the queen bees, beauty queens or objects of (sexual) attention for every man on the planet.

They complain too much about it for anyone to find them believable.

And it ain’t about sexism. That’s a phony cover. What actually made the comment objectionable for those white women complainers is that the President (who in their eyes is a black man) wasn’t doling out that delicious “Hotness Factor” to them. I can bet that if he said that about a white woman in the same position, none of these chicks would be whining about “sexism”.

He has, in fact, called Debbie Wasserman Schultz, “Cute“, and that was a while (months, maybe years) ago. Still haven’t heard a negative peep about it.

Kamala Harris
Kamala Harris

Debbie Wasserman Schultz
Debbie Wasserman Schultz
The pictures speak for themselves.

Cause I’ve yet to see one of them get as bent out of shape and indignant when other men, celebrity or otherwise, talk about how they are the absolute finest women around. And that’s regardless of whether it is true or not about a particular white woman – as long as her hair is bleached blonde.

Jealousy doesn’t look good on these people.

Poor President Obama. He told the truth (from his perspective) about a black woman (yes, I know she’s mixed) and the liberals, progressives and feminists who are supposed to be his best buds turned on him.

Don’t forget now, the biggest group of voters who didn’t support Obama the second time around were white women, but you’ll never see that in the mainstream media. They have a narrative to push. I’m surprised they didn’t try to turn his complimentary remarks into hate speech – against them.

Well, I suppose it is, once the man uttered the word, “Best-looking”, they heard nothing else.

Ever see that kind of nonsense run amuck for any other group of people?

Yeah, yeah, I know all the parties in question are mixed, but I’m going with a bit of social grouping here. This is for when you ask yourself, Why does a very famous, incredibly powerful and wealthy black man have to apologize for calling a black woman good-looking?

 

Share

White Women

A while ago, someone sent an email asking why did I not write about white women.

That was funny.

The Proper Focus

At the top of this blog, the stated purpose of this site is to acknowledge the awesomeness of BLACK women. I’ve been accused of being a white man at times (tee hee hee), but I write to promote our self-love.* We get beat down more than other groups or otherwise ignored in the general course of things, unless it is reinforcing a stereotype.

As an ignored group which occasionally receives negative attention, I figure, Why not spend some time on issues that directly or indirectly affect us?

There Is No There There

I don’t write about white women, in general, for this sole reason: they are ubiquitous. They are everywhere, all the time. So much so that the writer of the email was a white woman mistakenly wondering why I wasn’t focusing on her group.

Um, okay.

After I stopped laughing, I wrote back. We exchanged a few emails. She meant well. This was a nice woman who didn’t really understand what the focus of my blog was. She was coming from a white feminist perspective, which is that everything that happens to black women comes through the prism of white women.

In her mind, our lives will always include them, sometimes as the center of attention. Yet in their lives, we are on the periphery as predictable parochial characters. Sorta like every show you see on TV today. Black shows require a white woman. White women shows have a black sidekick or she doesn’t exist except as part of the scenery in the background.

What Does Irk – The Irksomeness

There are, however, some issues, that come to mind about white women:

  1. Weak Woman Whining: Complaining about being treated as weak women is what I call the femininity gripe. Oh boy, what a wonderful problem to have! Imagine being regarded as a strong like-a-man creature all the time, where no one thinks you are delicate, have feelings, or sensitive? You know, like all other women are? Unfortunately, a lot of black women embrace this othering. White women may want to be strong and manly, and beg to be treated “equally”, but black women want to be seen as feminine, because this whole like-a-man business doesn’t yield “equality” at all. It works as a negation of our womanhood: Hallmark is selling Father’s Day cards aimed at us.
  2. The Only Woman Self-Delusion: It is irksome expecting us to listen to your problems without reciprocity. When black women launched a movement called No Wedding No Womb (NWNW), white feminists crawled out of the woodwork needing to bandwagon onto the topic, and make it about them. I have never seen so much depraved, immoral preening, and navel gazing. This could not be about black women’s empowerment. Nope. Obviously, somebody had made a mistake: it needed to be about white women, or it wasn’t a valid cause. Sometimes it’s not all about white women, there are issues just about black women. What became clear to me is that if they are not the center of attention, it’s not considered a valid “woman’s issue.” Uhuh.
  3. Gone With The Flatulent Wind: We’re not at work to be your chambermaid, personal servant, attack dog, or therapist. White women love complaining about male exploitation (same work less pay, harassment, etc), but what about what’s being done to the black women in the office by them? I acknowledge that other people can be just as trifling to black women. I accept and believe that there is a much bigger social benefit to be gained knowing and associating with white women than with other groups, but it’s up to black and white women to re-create balance to normalize and stabilize this relationship.
  4. Media Stalking – It Is All About You: Some black women do express some frustration when the news media focuses on a white woman to the exclusion of all else. There is a massively overwhelming amount of resources spent on their disappearances, run-away bride stories, trials, reality TV shows, and all manner of attention on these individuals, because she fits the “pretty white woman” profile. All other groups fall by the wayside.
  5. It’s Not Jealousy – It’s Irritation: Black women benefit when white women benefit. For those of us who have a good understanding of feminism, and the important leading role black women have historically played in it, we understand that it is win-win. We just don’t appreciate when things get whitewashed to remove the first black woman, which is a woman making history too!, when a white woman comes along and finally makes the same record. Then it becomes – the first woman to blah blah blah – when a black woman has already made this distinction. That’s the perniciousness of racism and sexism. So when white women act as if they are the sole victims of sexism, that is irritation at work, not jealousy.

The Casey Anthony Show

I didn’t follow the trial. I originally thought Casey was a guy, and the woman shown in the picture for the news story was his victim. (That’s what I get for skim reading.) The case made me vaguely remember a rash of disappearing / missing children in Florida a few years back, and her kid was one of those stories.

I have two observations that I haven’t read or heard mentioned. 1) Casey Anthony would be in jail if she was charged with manslaughter or murder in the 2nd degree (?). 2) No one on that jury was going to put a “pretty white woman” on death row.

This mistake by the prosecutor reminded me of the OJ trial. (Yeah. Oh boy, here we go.) Marsha Clark thought that all the black women on the jury would identify with the white woman, Nicole Brown, as opposed to O.J. That’s an example of white women being blind to the racial and sexual dynamics of black women. They assume we identify more with them as opposed to that of black men, and many assume we live or die for black men (well maybe a large number do, but not all).

However, those assumptions are wrong, because our reality is completely different from black men and white women. Not every situation where we are concerned will yield an easy checklist of answers, because of our sex or race. People continue to make mistakes in understanding black women due to those assumptions. Sometimes it will be true, more often than not, folks will get tripped up by it.

What Does That Have To Do With White Women?

Nothing at all. That’s why I don’t write about them. 🙂

However, it is up to us, as black women to help people understand our distinctive selves.

*Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion.

Share

Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Has our femininity been denied?

It’s September, and it’s Devil’s Advocate* month. This topic will be a bit spicier than usual. :D

Are black women allowed to be women? Has our femininity been denied or compromised? Do we have the right to be respected, protected, and cherished like all other women?

We are accused of being jealous acid tossing lunatics by lying media whores. We are accused of being overly racially sensitive when we are being insulted by deranged bigoted radio talk show hosts. We are the first ones tossed under the political bus by individual(s) we overwhelmingly support out of misguided and ignorant racial loyalty.

Most of our issues are ignored by or are back-burner issues of so-called women’s groups. All of our issues are ignored by “civil rights” groups, unless it is to lay blame in our direction, raise funds from us, or rally around violent black male felon(s) who are a lethal and deadly menace to black women and men in their neighborhoods. We are berated, harassed, and demeaned to put all out, audition for a date, and prove our worth to useless black males who wont lift a finger to respect, provide, or protect us.

How are we being portrayed in the mainstream media right now?

One of the latest covers of Elle’s magazine is mendacious. No, it is beyond that, it is evil.

One of these pictures is not like the others.

Gabourey Sidibe a.k.a. Gabby

It winks: We’re making fun of her, ’cause this is the best looking actress they (black people) have to offer. They have three average looking, cosmetically enhanced white women all glammed up. We get someone who pc-wise people are gushing to declare is beautiful, acceptable, and attractive. Elle couldn’t use Jennifer Hudson?

And miss me with the garbage about hating on Ms. Sidibe. This topic is deeper than that.

Who do these folks think they’re fooling? The publisher of Elle is French – Hachette Filipacchi Media U.S., Inc. (HFM U.S.) , and the editor-in-chief is Robbie Myers. That’s who’s making a mockery of this black woman and the rest of us.

Is this their answer to requests for black staff? Investments in black magazines? Whether black women are attractive? Oh, I know, this fits the “Black women don’t sell covers. We lose money with their faces on the magazine” B.S.

Why is she the only big person?

Hey, I would ecstatically and gladly accept Ms. Sidibe as part of the unique, multicultural, fat acceptance, and “quirky looking people are beautiful too” cover, once they have a 400 pound homely white woman, with too much makeup on, wearing a tent-sized red mu-mu, and her stringy dishwater hair looking like dry straw, filling an entire magazine cover.

White women don’t “other” themselves. They are very, very protective of their image as feminine, sexy, and desirable women – despite the carping of “feminists” over some images.

Someone once said: I’d rather they ignore us than pay us this kind of attention.

You need to watch them. They are quite eager to get black women to be the tough-manly-gal, the jealous-and-hateful-acid-throwing chick, the loudmouth sassy troublemaker, the office mammy / Oprah / free therapist, and the “oh, you’re so brave to be xyz” kind of person.

Ask yourself these questions: At work, do some of these chicks come to you complaining about people like you’re going to be the one to set their tormentors straight? Do you get asked to lift heavy objects when there are plenty of guys around they could ask? Are you always volunteered for clean-up duty, cooking, or bringing in food? Do people push their leftovers, Halloween Candy, fattening meals, or other unhealthy garbage at you? I’m sure there are more examples that come to mind.

I’ll repeat myself: I might be willing to accept the alternative “other” images of us, once they let Ellen DeGeneres and Rachel Maddow on MSNBC be as unattractive and masculine as their original, keeping-it-real selves used to be. But if you notice, the first thing they went through was a total and complete makeover. They were made to conform to an ideal;  an existing feminine and attractive package.

Ladies. All of these people out there enjoy “othering” you. DO NOT EMBRACE IT. Let those bitches go first.

It’s a disgusting and deadly thing these people like to do to black women. When you accept “othering”, MEN wont and do not regard you as feminine. They will not come and protect you. You leave yourself vulnerable. That’s why people like throwing “strong black woman” at us. No one feels we are entitled to respect, protection, to be provided for, or cherished like other women.

Nearly everywhere one looks, there’s an overweight, or obese black woman (who’s often loud) receiving  mainstream media attention and accolades. Even if her career is going to last 5 minutes. Or maybe she’s the face of an extremely harsh and pungent detergent, feminine yeast problems, or other unattractive ailments, and even if she’s pleasant, the product is nice – there’s something off about her.

That big loud woman fits a mammy stereotype. Things haven’t changed when it comes to this offensive image of black women. She’s been around since Gone With the Wind and before. Her imagine was created to “other” us. I honor and respect her sacrifices. Black women needed these roles to survive and thrive.

However, we do not need to embrace her now.

A lot of us – feeling conflicted – honestly believe that if we embrace these “othering” images, they’ll eventually give way to those of beautiful, feminine, graceful and glamorous black women. Haven’t we been here before?

Don’t black women realize that when we ARE making strides, they deliberately bring up garish images of us?

Unfortunately, some of us fight each other over it, because for a number of us it means some kind of “acceptance” in all our diverse glory. I notice that this diversity almost always happens to be represented by the same type of morbidly obese, grotesquely crude, asexual and unfeminine black woman. I’m not putting all of this at Ms. Sidibe’s door. But would she have been as widely embraced if she was as slim as Zoe Saldana after doing only one bloody damn movie? At least Ms. Saldana has several blockbusters under her belt.

Funk that nonsense. I am not embracing “otherness.” I want black women to look as hot, glamorous, sexy, desirable, and feminine as the average looking, cosmetically enhanced, photoshopped white chicks on the cover of any magazine. We are women too. We can look as good, if not better, than they do.

Do we believe we are feminine? Are we equal to them as women? Or have we gone so deep down the “othering”, unfeminine and unattractive well that if Tyler Perry showed up as Madea on the cover of a magazine as an Influenial Black Woman – we’d talk about how much progress that is for us? Or would we only complain about the dress and wig he chose to wear? Would we miss the insult entirely?

I think we’re still missing the insult(s).

Black women wake up. Embrace being a woman first. These people are working hard to rob us of our womanhood, our femininity, and sense of self. Don’t let them do it. Don’t accept this distorted view of ourselves, where we are the “other.”

We are women. Our luminous, satiny, and beautiful dark skins do not detract or subtract from that.

*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is:

In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, just for the sake of argument. In taking such position, the individual taking on the devil’s advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position.
Share

Black Magazines, Black Fashion: Burt-Murray Goes White and Vogue Africa is Fiction

Total Fiction: Vogue Africa

Vogue Africa by Mario Epanya

Vogue (Africa) doesn’t exist, but the pictures circulating the web are fascinating, intriguing, and perplexing. The photographer is Mario Epanya. He wanted Vogue (Conde Naste) to have this magazine showcasing Africa.

I’m curious and would like to ask: couldn’t he find investors in oil-rich Nigeria, diamond-rich South Africa, or booming Botswana to help out? I think his idea is outstanding. We can see from the cover and many more on some blogs – he obviously has the models and the talent.

Why must black men always go to white men with a cup in hand begging for something when he already has all the resources he needs to get started?

Vogue Africa Images

Angela Burt-Murray Prefers White

The Editor-in-Chief of Essence Magazine decided to go interracial, but only for her hiring decision(s). This appears to be the one time she believes in quality and the philosophy of “may the best wo/man win”. She wouldn’t dare encourage black women to seek men (of any race) that’s best for her. She saves the philosophy of seeking quality for herself.

Burt-Murray prefers to suggest black women go to strip clubs to find that purple unicorn “good black man” tucking $1 into LaFlowanda’s g-string. Great idea, Ms Burt-Murray. You gonna keep it real for those young women who are S.O.L. as they face a 2 million black male deficit.

Angela Burt-Murray wrote this stunning, articulate and brilliant essay explaining that the “White editor won’t diminish our love of black women.” The people who run Essence claim they have love for black women.

Oh, yeah! Dis must be love. Is this the kind of love, where your broken bones and black eyes are a result of love taps? That you complain too much, otherwise he wouldn’t have to hit you? You should be grateful he loves you, because no one can love someone such as yourself? Yeah, that kind of love.

She can keep it.

Who Should Replace Her

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t care about the fashion editor hire. I feel her comment about “quality” could apply to the following.

  • Encourage black women to be open to men (any race) who are quality as opposed to any-black-male-with-a-pulse worship. Stop encouraging their involvement with baby daddys, men in relationships, men in jail, ex-cons, men seeking FWB / hookups, and actors who mysteriously cannot find a “date” in Hollyweird.
  • As to her position as Editor-in-Chief, I said it on Huffington.com and I’ll say it here:

Next hire: a white woman to replace Angela Burt-Murray, because that white woman will have the vision and understanding of black women’s issues. Good hire, Time-Warner!

Her replacement can be those white women who sleep with black men featured on the cover of Essence, are given a black pass by blacks who put them on their blogs, defended by blacks who say silly things like “they’re not white”, and are called “black” due to negro-proxy*. That way Burt-Murray’s replacement wont actually be a white woman, but the modern-day black woman replacement we see featured everywhere. We wont even notice the difference.

It’s Not About Diversity

Folks can chatter about the importance of diversity in Burt-Murray’s hiring decision. Yet, I know this: one could literally find hundreds, if not thousands, of unemployed black women desperate for a job. She could have rotated the gig and given many of these black women a chance. Instead we get a high-school level snark essay about issues she think we should protest and boycott. She took the safe bet. I get it. Her bosses told her who to hire; she couldn’t come out and say it. Diversity is a catch phrase for: I don’t write the checks.

The case with Vogue in Africa and Essence is this: de boss man is de white man. But he’s not the villain here. His priorities are different. His focus is on money: advertisers, distribution, expenses, and circulation. Multiculturalism and diversity are the least of his concerns, but it makes a nice cover when you are forcing negroes to do your bidding.

However, black folks have nothing to complain about. If you want to showcase “black fashion and black beauty” in a high-end fashion magazine put your money where your mouth is.

I will tell you why it doesn’t happen: do black people really believe black women are as beautiful as white women?

Are we able to produce (without begging anybody for something) a first rate magazine? Yes, of course.

The reality is this: the effort has been tried and tried many times in the past, and you know what happens? No one bought the magazine(s).

*theroot.com – has this mess. the “blackest” white people around. this site is dr. gate’s brainchild.

Linky-Loos

  1. thegrio.com: why-africa-vogue-is-considered-out-of-fashion
  2. thegrio.com: essence-one-white-editor-wont-diminish-our-love-of-black-women
  3. thegrio.com: essence-white-editor-caught-up-in-off-color-controversy
  4. clutchmagonline.com: hires-white-fashion-director-leaves-loyal-readers-asking-why
  5. huffingtonpost: essence hires white fashion editor
Share